Oh, where to start

I have so much on my mind, I don't even know where to start. I just have this feeling I can't shake, its so tired, but its more than that, its like deep down to the bone, to my soul exhausted and worn out, it feels like it hurts my finger bones to even type. But I am the personality type where I feel so much better when I can get things off my chest so I am making myself write.

My Mom
My mom has been diagnosed with colon cancer. Just writing it feels so surreal, I can't believe this is really happening. Its my mom, this just isn't suppose to happen. I can't even put into words how scared I am of loosing her. She is what gets me through, she is always there, she is my rock, without her I can't survive. She is where I get my strength, what gets me through my trials. She is my friend I can tell anything to and the woman I look at and say I want to be just like her. She is so giving and happy, faithful, fun. I've always known I've had a great mom but the last couple of months it has really been hitting me that not everyone has that, that I am so blessed!! They are still doing testing to stage it, she had a cat scan and it is only in the one spot which is really really great, she meets with the oncologist this week and they expect her to start radiation and chemo after the first of the year. I just can't believe this is really happening.

Then with being weeks, possibly days before having my baby and the holidays I am just so tired. I want to snap out of this and have energy and a positive attitude but I'm just struggling...