the power of ONE and the power of a COMMUNITY brings out the LOVE

I am so overwhelmed with the Christmas spirit and all this deep, gut wrenching faith that I feel that I haven't felt in a LONG time. Right now I KNOW that my house was MEANT to catch on fire! I don't have it all figured out or all the answers but right now I will tell you the things I do know.

I AM LOVED: you see I have always had this awesome family and I love them and brag about them and they have gotten me through so many times I have lost count and because of this amazing family I never had any real reason to look outside of my family to the community for any reason. I have always loved the town I grew up in, its home to me but I never felt this sense of community.......until the last few days. Sometimes stuff happens and it is unimaginable and bigger than you and at first you are just MAD, I mean real deep down ticked off, so ticked off all you can do is cry cause that just seems like the only thing left to do. But then.....this makeover happens on your heart and you didn't even know your heart was in need of one. The aftermath of a fire is something so blindsiding its hard to describe. I do ok and I feel ok and then I walk in there to try to find some Tylenol or something and I just get sad and mad, but I allow myself to accept those feelings and face them and it opens yourself up to a change you didn't know you needed.

I needed to realize the power of a community, the power of a small deed and when small deeds turn into big deeds. You see I have always believed people are good, at every ones core, they ARE good, and I love people...seriously! But I never had this knowledge in my own life that peoples goodness comes out when you need it to. Even typing this it sounds as if I were a hard, cold blooded person, and that's not the case, all the time people DO good stuff, I just have never seen it first hand. My HEAD knew that out there, there is a whole lotta people who love me, but my HEART needed reminded. See I have learned all too painfully the last 3 months that actions speak louder than words and words only go so far. So I stopped believing the words, which started to make my heart not as full of love as it once was.....which is why I needed this fire. I needed a sign to make me wake up.....God knew I was feeling lost and scared and alone in the deepest sense of alone....and I wouldn't have admitted it but a part of my was dying...this good part of me that I love...and I am stubborn and God knows this. So He knew that I needed a big reminder of GOOD, the GOOD that is out there from strangers. So my house caught on fire, for no physical reason any of us our sure of....but I am sure now that PEOPLE have a POWER they don't know they have. I hope I am making sense, I am so overcome, and my tears are falling so freely....I hope I can convey this renewed sense of LOVE you have all awakened me too.

These sweet beautiful people I know and don't know all got together through the power of this ONE WOMAN and her amazing family and they brought back a piece of me I didn't know I needed back. Never doubt the power of one, for this ONE woman has had the most profound affect on my life. I consider her a 'mentor' if you will, of how to be brave and how to love, how to help, how to allow your art to flow through you and how to share that with others, a mentor of the kind of 'artsy, brave girl' I want to be when I grow up. Tonight this One and Her family brought the love, the gifts, the things for the kids, crowns and bravery to me; it all means so much and through these necessary material things I learned a necessary spiritual thing. I didn't know people would love me like this if I admitted I was vulnerable. But you DO love me and through YOUR love I was able to recognize that HE hasn't forgot about me and that HE still LOVES ME, even though I am vulnerable and I do screw up...quite a lot actually- I screw it up. This One told me in a team meeting once that 'its the really good ones who have to go through a lot to bring out that really good'. And that has always stuck with me; so it has been easier to accept my trials because I want to be a really good one so I stand up and move past these trials so I can be a good one. I know whatever I am going through will make me the BRAVE, strong, smart girl I wanna be. I wanna change the world, I want to inspire and love and lift up others. And in order to do that I have to be able to inspire, love and lift myself up and I know that going through yucky stuff to reach these aha moments is what its going to take.

So my loved ones, those of you I have meant and those I haven't.....THANK YOU a MILLION times over.............for the lesson in LOVE and helping me through this yucky thing. I want to pay it forward and share this LOVE that is consuming me......I love my community and the POWER of your kindness. Thank you for saving me and loving me this Christmas season.

Much LOVE!

XOXO~S

2 Days Post Fire

my 'Hudson' Christmas Angel
my 'Addi' Christmas Angel


I feel like I am starting to make the steps in starting to put the pieces or ashes if you will (haha) back in order after the fire. My parents are my strength and there undying, never ending source of courage and love lifts me up every day. The disaster clean up folks came out and gave us a quote of about $40,000 to clean up the cottage, insurance would cover some of it but not near enough so we are getting set for a DIY project! My folks are the King and Queen of DIY! They amaze me. My daddio very carefully enclosed the back patio and got propane heaters and we now have a staging area for the clean up. It amazes me how we take items out of the barn to clean and the strong stench of smoke that remains in the fibers of everything, even with the stuff outside the smell burns your nostrils. My mom went to the cleaning store and found special 'fire' laundry detergent so we are able to wash and save some clothes. Clothes like vests that have a vinyl shell or something similar are burnt from the heat but good ol' cotton is washing up nicely. 'Auntie Lemons' very graciously handed down some 18 month old clothes for Hudson. Thank you Lemons! He could still use a few more warm things, a few of you offered which is so appreciated, if you could email me (saradeppe@live.com) or txt me (870-3700) so we could set up a time to meet that would be so, so helpful.

Addi, my little Miss Independent and strong personality is just so sweet! She doesn't seem to mind what is going on, she loves sleepin in Uncle Danny's room and being around Nana/Papa. She wears a size 3T and could use some warm, snugly clothes. I do need to just pause and say it is very hard for me to sit here and type this, people have been so generous offering help, and it is so hard to admit I need help, I guess a bit of it is that I feel a little prideful and just want to be able to do it myself. But if the roles were reversed I would want to help someone, I do hope that reading this you know I am not looking for a 'free ride' or 'handouts'. OK, I'll stop with all my insecurities and get back to Addi. Most of her toys/dolls/bears are covered in ash/smoke but I expect to be able to throw them in the washer and they will be all right. The food that wasn't burnt by the fire was destroyed by the smoke, hopefully the insurance will cover restocking a pantry again. We expect to be staying in my mom's house till about the end of January. My teenage brothers are being very helpful and gracious and sharing a room and givin me and Addi the other room and Hudson's has the office.

I was so hurt and frustrated that out of the things that actually got 'burnt up' their Christmas presents were among those. The last couple months have been very hard, emotionally and physically, but we have persevered and gotten through. We have so many blessings and it has been a huge lesson in not taking things for granted. A hug from a friend, a kind word or play time with my kids has gotten me so incredibly far. As a friend was describing on her blog though, at Christmas time you know the true meaning of Christmas, and love and appreciate that but as a mom you want to be able to give them what they want. This is the first year that my little two year old is in awe of all the lights, Santa and the joyous activities around her. Her most used and my most favorite saying lately is 'ooh my goodness', it just warms your heart. I wanted to give her such a special Christmas and worked so hard at my jobs and very carefully went to Ross and Goodwill and got them the cutest toys and I was so excited for them to open Christmas morning. I'm sure she will not notice what is missing, she has gifts from Grandma's and Grandpa's and we will both surely have a beautiful Christmas, we are together and we are safe, but I can't help but feel a bit sad.

However my sadness is so much more over powered by the love we are surrounded in. As I have grown older I have become very aware that not everyone has parents as special as mine, especially my mom, she is a beacon in a very dark world, my rock, my strength. She is a very happy, strong woman and I adore her. We are safe and have a roof over our head, the help from fabulous friends and love in our hearts. I know the Savior has felt the things I have and He knows what I am going through....so during this Christmas season, who could really ask for more?
xoxo
s

p.s. i heart you.....yes-you!

The fire

my brave girl shelf with what is left of my sweaters above it

this was a picture frame, but it now melted

my coat....no its not suppose to be black

my 'keep calm and ride canvas' that is burnt, huge emotional kick in the pants

my white Brave girl bird candle, now melted and not white

So before I get into the fire story I need to rewind and tell you on Wednesday I discovered I had an intense mouse problem in my cottage. Like droppings in my bed sheets, in my drawers on my Jammie's, in the cupboard with my baby's blankets...like GROSS! So I have been staying with friends and on Sunday I decided I was going to put my big girl boots on, plastic gloves, the vacuum and a TON of sanitizing product and scrub my house, make it sparkle so even Mr. Clean would be impressed! And I did it, freshly washed sheets, with cleanly folded clothes and organized toys and Christmas presents wrapped and I felt so accomplished, this feeling of accomplishment was at about 5:30 yesterday, I grabbed my coat and cowgirl hat and I decided I was going to run to Albertsons and get some stuff for a girls night. My hair has needed dyed horribly bad and given budget constraints I decided to do it myself so I bought dye, wine, chocolate and a Glamour magazine, rented a movie and headed home for a wonderful night with my mom. I got home and my mom told me Hudson was grumpy so I said I would go put him to bed. I scooped up my little guy and made the short walk from moms house to my cottage, upon walking up to the cottage I saw bright orange flames at my kitchen window, hmmm I thought this is so odd, maybe someone came out here and lit a Christmas candle for me. With Hudson on my hip I opened the door and was greeted to billowing black smoke and bright leaping flames. I started screaming for my mom and ran back to the house, "MOM, THE BARN IS ON FIRE-BAD!!!!'. She ran out there and called 911, I didn't know what to do so I stood there and cried, Jeff ran out and immediately was looking for ways to try to put it out but the fire was just too big, he grabbed the front door mat, wet from the rain and tossed it over the stove where it appeared the fire was originating from. We anxiously waited for the fire department, the minutes creeped by as we waited.

Pause the story for a moment.....in case you aren't up to speed I moved into my moms cottage the end of September after my divorce proceedings had started. My mom and her husband Jeff, aka Daddio, had spent weeks remodeling the barn into a perfect little guest cottage complete with girly details. Beautiful aqua blue paint, and a deep vintage white sink, new kitchen appliances, laid new carpet, built and painted me an island and new kitchen cabinets, hardwood floors upstairs, a remodeled bathroom, a light track on dimmers.....I could go on and on. They poured SO much love and energy and money into my beautiful cottage and then I went in and poured my soul into. I created myself a brave girl shelf with beautiful antique white birds and while flowers and white candles with touches of green and quotes and things that made me happy and things that reminded me I was strong. I made canvases and hung pictures of the kids and completely made the cottage my safe haven. A beautiful place where I felt strong and independent and capable of anything, and I was surrounded also by tokens from my loved ones.

So to continue the story........the fire department finally arrived. Three firetrucks, 12 fireman and about 2 hrs later the fire was out and my home ruined. The fire started on the stove, we don't know how, the box that held all the kids' Christmas' presents sat so perfectly wrapped on top of the stove now melted into one piece with the stove. Structurally as of now things appear to be safe, but inside is ruined with black smoke, ash and water.

I am beyond words grateful we are all SAFE! I know it is just material things but I can't describe to you the emotional pain I feel. This beautiful place that was my safe haven is covered in black, like a sick creepy blackness that is trying to overtake my life. I have tried my damnedest to hold my head high and look my struggles in the eye and say "I will not be bigger than you", I can do this, I am going to kick butt! But this just feels like its more than I can handle right now. Hopefully we can clean and salvage some, but right now all our food is toast...ha ha... and the clothes are covered in ash and we can't do anything about it now cause we have to wait for insurance.

Among the midst of all of this I was texting Stacey and April, I told them what was going on and they showed up in the midst of it. The fireman left and we all sat at the table, my mom came in and sat down with us. With out saying anything my mom held our hands and we bowed our heads in prayer. And my mama said the sweetest prayer...."Dear Lord, we know that thou loves us, but our hearts hurt right now, and this feels like more than we can handle, please wrap Your love around us like a warm shawl over our shoulders, this will only be an inconvenience, as a family we will persevere. Please let Sara know of our love for her".....we all had tears streaking our face by the time my mom was done with her prayer, she gave me a big hug and went to bed. Stacey and April stayed with me, they hugged me and ate chocolate with me, put my kids to bed, highlighted my hair. Without me even having to ask they were there for my strength when I needed them.

I am sad, frustrated, worn out, and mad. But I know I can do this. I am so grateful for the safety of my children and the strength from my family and friends. And be prepared....because 2010- I'm going to kick some butt, its going to be a great year!!

xoxo

-S

P.S. The mice are gone :)

Anyway

You can spend your whole life building something from nothing

One storm can come and blow it all away

Build it anyway

You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach and you know it might not ever come your way

Dream it anyway

Chorus: God is great, but sometimes life ain't good

And when I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should

But I do it anyway, I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy and it's hard to believe that tomorrow will be better than today

Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons, and in a moment they can choose to walk away

Love 'em anyway

Repeat Chorus

You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in that tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang

Sing it anyway, sing it anyway

I sing, I dream, I love, anyway,

- Martina McBride's Anyway Song

EXCITED

I am very excited to announce that I will be teaching & hosting scrapbooking crop nights at Boise's very own, new & fabulous scrapbooking store A Scrapper's & Stamper's Delight. Our first crop night will be Nov 20 & 21st from 5 till midnight! I would love to see you there!
XOXO
~S

Summer Photos

The kids and I had a super fun summer, here's a few of the photos, enjoy!
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=28944&id=1594449900&l=c5280e3365
XOXO
S
P.S. Be prepared from seriously cute kiddos!

Brave search

So, I enjoy quotes, and I think a good one can really help you put things in perspective, I've had a super rough couple of days, and this morning I decided I was sick of having these kind of days and decided I am going to make this day good. Here's what I found to help me have a BRAVE day.

“Women are like apples on trees, the best ones are on the top of the tree. The men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and don't want to get hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't so good but easy. So, the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top becuase they value quality.”

“Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.”

Erica Jong quotes

“Remember today, for it is the beginning of always. Today marks the start of a brave new future filled with all your dreams can hold. Think truly to the future and make those dreams come true.”

“Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.”
Mary Tyler Moore quotes

“We do not live an equal life, but one of contrasts and patchwork; now a little joy, then a sorrow, now a sin, then a generous or brave action”
Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes

“We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world”
Helen Keller quotes

Fortitude Quotes

“Character contributes to beauty. It fortifies a woman as her youth fades. A mode of conduct, a standard of courage, discipline, fortitude, and integrity can do a great deal to make a woman beautiful.”

“I pray for strength and fortitude to climb the rock strewn road.”

“What fortitude the Soul contains, / That it can so endure / The accent of a coming Foot-- / The opening of a Door.”
Emily Dickinson quotes

“Pray for intestinal fortitude, work hard, and keep the faith. Oh, and pray for good luck, you're gonna need it.”
Jerry Reed quotes

...It's about really having the inner fortitude to overcome anything that's in front of you, and doing that with the help of God.. .”
Holly Davis quotes

XOXO ~S

When I Grow Up I Want to BE JUST like my mom!

For most things in this world there are either survivors or victims; me? I am a survivor! How do I know this, well mostly I know from my mom. My mom is the BEST person I know in this world, she, wow she is tough! She just does it, whatever it is, she does it, she puts her big girl panties on and does it, not only does she do it, but she does it HAPPILY, so happily and kindly and gently. She is a true friend, she's not just my mom, she's my BFF, she HAS my back 24/7; there has not been ONE day in my life where I don't thank the Lord for her, not one day where I don't know how lucky I am, not one day that I don't cry tears of joy because I was put on this world with her, not one day where I haven't been able to count on her. No matter what. I get really, really scared that she is going to get sick again, that something might happen, but I believe in good juju, and my mom has truckloads of it, so I am going to wipe away my tears, tell myself its all going to be ok, and most importantly I am going TO BELIEVE IN GOD and pray and just know my mama is going to be ok. I love you mom!!!!!!!

XOXO

~S

Game Plan

you all have been so sweet and asking what needs done, we are getting closer to a game plan so i thought i would just update everyone:

• paint-this weekend, downstairs wall, upstairs floor stain/sealed, upstairs wall, ceiling
• next week-plumer/electrician for toilet, vanity, lights
  upgrades-shower head (no giggles aloud, hehe) weather stripping around door, child proof stairs outdoor patio, upstairs railing
• general cleaning- spider webs, wipe down walls, clean out cupboards
  shelves in bathroom, kitchen, cupboards
• fabric-barn isn't insulated so add roman shades to help keep heat in, curtains downstairs 2 yrds, stairs 4 yards upstairs, door upstairs 2 yards
• to find at yard sales/buy on sale
  new crib fitted sheet for addison, possibly blanket and quilt
  twin bedding for sara
  smaller fridge?
  pots/pans shelf for ceiling/wall?
  storage ideas for kitchen for food, bottles, etc
• next week, box up as much as possible -kitchen, home decor, list things on craigs list to sell, donate extra's
• move Oct 10/11
• and if somone could also please find my sanity, that would be great
• and somewhere in there start divorce papers/find cheap attorney

XOXO
Sara

I'm not sure I can do it, put I'm going to put my big girl panties on and keep telling myself I can! .....Then not too far down the road it will be done. I will be on my own, and proud and strong and I WILL have done it. I will not do it alone because the Lord has blessed me with this huge army of amazing women in my life, I know I am at a turning point, things are going to go up from here. This 24/7 sick to my stomach feeling, like I am literally going to hurl at any minute, cry at any moment or could just run away, all those feelings will leave. I will stand here, plant my feet in the ground and go for it. I have watched you all do it, pulled yourselves up, dusted off and said bring it on again b*tch. I am too stubborn not to do this, to blessed to have to do it alone and to optimistic about the future to let anything stop me.

~S

I am one BRAVE, STRONG GIRL

So silly

Sometimes I am so silly, I swear, I put off doing a post for forever just cause i don't have pics. So lame. So here I am in all my picture-less glory! Things are really rocking for me! I am working on be able to go to Beauty School this fall, starting my own company called Sara Bella Designs, having fun helping with Becca's wedding and being a mom and wife. Busy, oh not at all -haha. But I love it! I do have so many pics I need to post though! My daddy has been letting me borrow his camera for most of the summer and I am so lucky both my kids love the camera like me, if only we could get Kev to like it... I just wanted to stop in and say hi. Have a fabulous weekend!
XOXO
Sara

Mad Props to Advantix!

I just have to give some serious mad props to my new employers at Advantix Pest Control, Scott & Chrissy Lee. I love this job, it is so low stress and they are so family friendly and good people to work for. I took a Saturday shift to get a few more hours and they have a kids room set up here, so Hudson took a nap and Addi watched movies and I got some computer work done. It was so great and I just feel so blessed to have a new job that is family friendly after my old job became so un-family friendly. My job isn't glamorous and doesn't come with a six digit salary, but it's priceless that they are family friendly! Oh yeah I did I mention I get to work with my precious Kenna, I have known her since 5th grade at Eagle Elementary and we became best friends in high school, she is a loyal friend, strong woman, hard worker, sexy lady and a great manager. This is the third job we have worked at together, Jamaca Me Tan in high school, then Chatterbox, and now here. Props to them and hopefully more companies will take a few tips from them! http://www.advantixservices.com/

XOXO
Sara

My beautiful, crazy summer

I love these photos, we got them taken for Father's Day by my sweet friend Lori Renn, she does such an amazing job. We have had a such a wonderful summer! Enjoying McCall, celebrating our 5 Year Wedding Anniversary, Addi's 2nd Birthday and Enjoying Hudson growing and constantly smiling. I just wanted to say hi and I'm back. Love you All!

XOXO

Sara

All smiles and oh that hair

After a rough week and a super rough work day yesterday I was so excited to run out the door and pick up my kiddos and just 'be' with them all night. I ignored the dirty clothes, the toys on the floor and the kitchen counters that are covered with trash and dirty dishes. And I just sat and held and played with my babies all night. The funniest and sweetest two things happened. First I was changing Addi's diaper and decided she was just filthy and in need of a bath so I had her stripped down and left her in the family room with Hudson, who was playing on his play mat, and went into the bathroom to start her bath. I walk back into the family room and see this little trickle coming down from Addi, I run over there and she is standing over Hudson's feet peeing all over him!!! So gross and funny! I pick her up, run and toss her in the bath and then get Hudson ready cause he now gets a bath too. I tossed Hudson in the bath with Addi and she 'helps' me wash him, tender! After I get Addi to bed Hudson and I go get in bed to watch our nightly tv and it will always just be this great memory for me. Hudson looks freaking adorable cause I did his hair after his bath, he smells like sweet clean baby and is just smiling and talking to me non-stop. There is nothing like sweet baby smiles to make your horrible, no good, very bad day just melt away! And of course the red wine and chocolate cake didn't hurt either. Daddy got home and held Hudson so I could take pics of him on my phone and we all just snuggled, Addi also joined the party since she couldn't fall asleep. She didn't fall asleep to about one this morning, but I don't even care. All the snuggles, smiles, hugs and kisses from my kids were just what my heart needed. So here is to a happy Thursday!

Love, Sara

P.S. Thank you for the comment on my blog Nic~its hard to put yourself out there like that and your comment really meant a lot to me. See you Saturday.

Trying to figure it all out

My mind has been heavy these past few weeks. I am always taken by surprise when it feels as though I have woken up one morning and am once again finding myself trying to figure it out. How to live the life I want and how to be the best me and where everything and everyone else falls into place. I feel as though this heavy load of stress I've had these last few months have finally caught up to me and I have this deep unease in the pit of my stomach. As I learn new things about the people in my life and have new experiences with them I realize new things about them which makes my focus turn inward and realize new things about myself. And as obvious as this sounds it has been a hard lesson for me.........I can not make other people happy, I can not control their actions...........I can only do my best to do what makes me happy and control my actions. With this realization comes this overwhelming amount of sadness because I do not feel as though I have the time to do what makes me happy I only have enough hours in the day to do what is necessary in life. I love people, I love to do things for them and be social and surround myself with my loved ones but when I do this I find myself feeling stressed and not being able to enjoy it for this deep frustration that I should be cleaning my house or doing laundry, or any of the million other household chores that a working mom never has time to do. My deepest frustration and sadness is the shortcomings I feel I have as a mom and wife. I swear lately I have been riding the crazy bus!....no take that back, driving the crazy bus! I feel this enormous love in my heart that makes cry when I think of my husband and kids but I feel as though I have a hard time making my actions line up with that love. I do pretty good during the day, getting through work with a smile on my face, then I have just barely enough energy to be somewhat happy and energetic around the kids but by eight when Kevin gets home its like all my spunk is gone and I'm just left with crazy. So I feel like each night I just dump all my crazy off on Kevin. I so much want to be a fun mom with my kids and take them to do stuff but between weather and money I feel like I am just constantly letting down my kids. I want Kevin to look forward to coming home to me and be able to have some nice, quality time together. I am so frustrated.........all I can do, all I have time to do is work and its a necessary evil, there is no way around me working, but it takes all I've got and I hate that. My words seem to have run out a bit so I will leave you with this quote from Lori's blog that I love: Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass....its about learning to dance in the rain! And please realize that I don't mean to be a downer... it has been hard for me to share, I've been procrastinating blogging, but this blog is my journal and I want it to be an honest reflection of my life. So this is me...honest and driving the crazy bus!
XOXO
Sara

I'm grateful your my friend!

I'm so glad your my friend. You keep my grounded. You keep me happy. You always have my back and a shoulder to lean on. You are always ready for fun, dancing, drinking, or playing with the kids. You always keep it real. And most importantly...I'm so glad I still have you!
XOXO
Sara

Busy, Busy, Busy

I really am still, here, promise. I am back in the full swing of things, working, the kids and everything else that that entails. We are doing pretty good with all of it. I just have to always stay on top of it or it becomes too much. The kids I think are finally starting to get better.

Addi has had a horrible cold for almost three weeks, and last week especially she just wasn't herself so this past Monday we went to the doc, and she has ear infections and is now on anti-biotic so she is getting back to herself. She is getting so smart. She loves electricity -dangerous- she loves to unplug and plug things in and has discovered light switches. Last night she stood on her night stand and turn her bedroom light on and off and said 'I did it, I did it'. And now when she gets mad or I tell her to cause she is throwing a fight she will go to her room and then get this, she slams the door. OMG that girls has serious attitude, so funny! She is constantly loving on Hudson, last night while I was cooking dinner Hudson was in his swing and Addi was gently clapping his hands and he was so smiling at her. Tender! Addi loves going to daycare and being with Grandma and Grandpa Tobias and seeing all her aunts and uncles too. Everyday at lunch she sits on Grandpa's lap and they eat lunch together and they are usually snuggling watching TV together when I pick her up. Even she has been trying my patience lately, I just love her. She still gives the best hugs. She wraps your arms around your neck and just squeezes! Or she holds you and pats your back as if to say everything will be alright mama. The older she gets the more she becomes a daddy's girl, every night when he comes home she runs and hugs his legs. And her new favorite thing to do is walk around in his work shoes and baseball cap. So funny!

Grandma & Aunt Savannah love to hold Baby Hudson and they take such good care of him. Last week & this week though he has been really sick. He has RSV and we have been to the doc four times to check his oxygen levels, they have stayed high enough though that he won't have to go to the hospital for oxygen. This week he has been with my mom and they have been bonding, they take naps together and just relax on the sofa. He is so much healthier and back to his mellow self. And I have loved, loved, loved having him here in Eagle this week so each day I get to go home and feed him and love on him and it makes me so happy! He still has just as much hair as he did the day he was born and is starting to get adorable baby chubby! On Valentines Day he really started smiling and cooing and it just warms your heart! Can't handle all the tenderness. Love my little guy so much!

I hope everyone is doing fabulous!

Sending our love~

Sara & Family

Where does the time go?

This is for you Kristen! I seriously don't know where the time is going, I am always so busy doing a whole lot of nothing, not sure what is keeping me so busy but I always seem to be drawing the short stick on time. Addi is doing great, she has more attitude these days than me which is hard to do-lol! She is such a toddler, she is getting ready for her first hair cut, Mari is going to cut her cute side swept bangs, I will post pics for sure. She is a great big sister and helper. She is very protective of little Hudson and it is so adorable, whenever I come to pick up Hudson from her she points her finger and yells 'no,no no!' it is so funny. She is getting more into playing with her toys by herself which is nice, she got some really cute toys from Angie & fam-thank you she loves them! She loves to have books read to her and is still a big fan of Dora and Elmo! It is so fun watching her grow into a little girl, I can't wait for easy bake ovens and princess parties and dress up clothes. Hudson is good, he has a really bad cold and cough which I think I gave to him, don't I feel like a terd! His cough is so pathetic and breaks your heart! He is 3 lbs heavier and 3 inches taller (83%), his eczema is getting a lot better but we have to be really careful with what touches his skin. He eats all the time and I love to dress him up like a little man!

I am doing good, staying busy with the kids obviously and with going to more series 7 classes that are going to be the death of me, I'm starting to feel like my brain isn't cut out for this, I really miss having a creative job! I try to take my mom to her treatments at least twice a week and spend as much time with her as I can, she is really starting to be sick and I'm very, very scared. I am praying for peace, but not feeling at peace. She is half way through her treatments and this other half is going to be harder. She has another round of chemo next week. Speaking of which I need to run, go wake her up so we can leave.

Well much love to ya'll!

My Lil' Guy

Hi my long lost friends! Wow! What a crazy month, it has been so amazing, and crazy and breath taking. I can't believe I am a mother of two! It is so surreal, I am so happy. Each day brings its own challenges as I try to find the new balance in our family of four. But we are starting 2009 of so happy and aware of our blessings! I have some photos of sweet Hudson to share with you and lots more I still need to take! Don't you just love his hair, he looks just like a little man, he's Kevin's mini-me. I can't believe my little man is here! I have so much more I want to share with you but a to-do list a mile long and too many hugs to give to my babies to sit here much longer, but I will stop by again soon!

Lots of love,

Sara