2 Days Post Fire

my 'Hudson' Christmas Angel
my 'Addi' Christmas Angel


I feel like I am starting to make the steps in starting to put the pieces or ashes if you will (haha) back in order after the fire. My parents are my strength and there undying, never ending source of courage and love lifts me up every day. The disaster clean up folks came out and gave us a quote of about $40,000 to clean up the cottage, insurance would cover some of it but not near enough so we are getting set for a DIY project! My folks are the King and Queen of DIY! They amaze me. My daddio very carefully enclosed the back patio and got propane heaters and we now have a staging area for the clean up. It amazes me how we take items out of the barn to clean and the strong stench of smoke that remains in the fibers of everything, even with the stuff outside the smell burns your nostrils. My mom went to the cleaning store and found special 'fire' laundry detergent so we are able to wash and save some clothes. Clothes like vests that have a vinyl shell or something similar are burnt from the heat but good ol' cotton is washing up nicely. 'Auntie Lemons' very graciously handed down some 18 month old clothes for Hudson. Thank you Lemons! He could still use a few more warm things, a few of you offered which is so appreciated, if you could email me (saradeppe@live.com) or txt me (870-3700) so we could set up a time to meet that would be so, so helpful.

Addi, my little Miss Independent and strong personality is just so sweet! She doesn't seem to mind what is going on, she loves sleepin in Uncle Danny's room and being around Nana/Papa. She wears a size 3T and could use some warm, snugly clothes. I do need to just pause and say it is very hard for me to sit here and type this, people have been so generous offering help, and it is so hard to admit I need help, I guess a bit of it is that I feel a little prideful and just want to be able to do it myself. But if the roles were reversed I would want to help someone, I do hope that reading this you know I am not looking for a 'free ride' or 'handouts'. OK, I'll stop with all my insecurities and get back to Addi. Most of her toys/dolls/bears are covered in ash/smoke but I expect to be able to throw them in the washer and they will be all right. The food that wasn't burnt by the fire was destroyed by the smoke, hopefully the insurance will cover restocking a pantry again. We expect to be staying in my mom's house till about the end of January. My teenage brothers are being very helpful and gracious and sharing a room and givin me and Addi the other room and Hudson's has the office.

I was so hurt and frustrated that out of the things that actually got 'burnt up' their Christmas presents were among those. The last couple months have been very hard, emotionally and physically, but we have persevered and gotten through. We have so many blessings and it has been a huge lesson in not taking things for granted. A hug from a friend, a kind word or play time with my kids has gotten me so incredibly far. As a friend was describing on her blog though, at Christmas time you know the true meaning of Christmas, and love and appreciate that but as a mom you want to be able to give them what they want. This is the first year that my little two year old is in awe of all the lights, Santa and the joyous activities around her. Her most used and my most favorite saying lately is 'ooh my goodness', it just warms your heart. I wanted to give her such a special Christmas and worked so hard at my jobs and very carefully went to Ross and Goodwill and got them the cutest toys and I was so excited for them to open Christmas morning. I'm sure she will not notice what is missing, she has gifts from Grandma's and Grandpa's and we will both surely have a beautiful Christmas, we are together and we are safe, but I can't help but feel a bit sad.

However my sadness is so much more over powered by the love we are surrounded in. As I have grown older I have become very aware that not everyone has parents as special as mine, especially my mom, she is a beacon in a very dark world, my rock, my strength. She is a very happy, strong woman and I adore her. We are safe and have a roof over our head, the help from fabulous friends and love in our hearts. I know the Savior has felt the things I have and He knows what I am going through....so during this Christmas season, who could really ask for more?
xoxo
s

p.s. i heart you.....yes-you!