my brave girl shelf with what is left of my sweaters above it
this was a picture frame, but it now melted
my coat....no its not suppose to be black
my 'keep calm and ride canvas' that is burnt, huge emotional kick in the pants
my white Brave girl bird candle, now melted and not white
So before I get into the fire story I need to rewind and tell you on Wednesday I discovered I had an intense mouse problem in my cottage. Like droppings in my bed sheets, in my drawers on my Jammie's, in the cupboard with my baby's blankets...like GROSS! So I have been staying with friends and on Sunday I decided I was going to put my big girl boots on, plastic gloves, the vacuum and a TON of sanitizing product and scrub my house, make it sparkle so even Mr. Clean would be impressed! And I did it, freshly washed sheets, with cleanly folded clothes and organized toys and Christmas presents wrapped and I felt so accomplished, this feeling of accomplishment was at about 5:30 yesterday, I grabbed my coat and cowgirl hat and I decided I was going to run to Albertsons and get some stuff for a girls night. My hair has needed dyed horribly bad and given budget constraints I decided to do it myself so I bought dye, wine, chocolate and a Glamour magazine, rented a movie and headed home for a wonderful night with my mom. I got home and my mom told me Hudson was grumpy so I said I would go put him to bed. I scooped up my little guy and made the short walk from moms house to my cottage, upon walking up to the cottage I saw bright orange flames at my kitchen window, hmmm I thought this is so odd, maybe someone came out here and lit a Christmas candle for me. With Hudson on my hip I opened the door and was greeted to billowing black smoke and bright leaping flames. I started screaming for my mom and ran back to the house, "MOM, THE BARN IS ON FIRE-BAD!!!!'. She ran out there and called 911, I didn't know what to do so I stood there and cried, Jeff ran out and immediately was looking for ways to try to put it out but the fire was just too big, he grabbed the front door mat, wet from the rain and tossed it over the stove where it appeared the fire was originating from. We anxiously waited for the fire department, the minutes creeped by as we waited.
Pause the story for a moment.....in case you aren't up to speed I moved into my moms cottage the end of September after my divorce proceedings had started. My mom and her husband Jeff, aka Daddio, had spent weeks remodeling the barn into a perfect little guest cottage complete with girly details. Beautiful aqua blue paint, and a deep vintage white sink, new kitchen appliances, laid new carpet, built and painted me an island and new kitchen cabinets, hardwood floors upstairs, a remodeled bathroom, a light track on dimmers.....I could go on and on. They poured SO much love and energy and money into my beautiful cottage and then I went in and poured my soul into. I created myself a brave girl shelf with beautiful antique white birds and while flowers and white candles with touches of green and quotes and things that made me happy and things that reminded me I was strong. I made canvases and hung pictures of the kids and completely made the cottage my safe haven. A beautiful place where I felt strong and independent and capable of anything, and I was surrounded also by tokens from my loved ones.
So to continue the story........the fire department finally arrived. Three firetrucks, 12 fireman and about 2 hrs later the fire was out and my home ruined. The fire started on the stove, we don't know how, the box that held all the kids' Christmas' presents sat so perfectly wrapped on top of the stove now melted into one piece with the stove. Structurally as of now things appear to be safe, but inside is ruined with black smoke, ash and water.
I am beyond words grateful we are all SAFE! I know it is just material things but I can't describe to you the emotional pain I feel. This beautiful place that was my safe haven is covered in black, like a sick creepy blackness that is trying to overtake my life. I have tried my damnedest to hold my head high and look my struggles in the eye and say "I will not be bigger than you", I can do this, I am going to kick butt! But this just feels like its more than I can handle right now. Hopefully we can clean and salvage some, but right now all our food is toast...ha ha... and the clothes are covered in ash and we can't do anything about it now cause we have to wait for insurance.
Among the midst of all of this I was texting Stacey and April, I told them what was going on and they showed up in the midst of it. The fireman left and we all sat at the table, my mom came in and sat down with us. With out saying anything my mom held our hands and we bowed our heads in prayer. And my mama said the sweetest prayer...."Dear Lord, we know that thou loves us, but our hearts hurt right now, and this feels like more than we can handle, please wrap Your love around us like a warm shawl over our shoulders, this will only be an inconvenience, as a family we will persevere. Please let Sara know of our love for her".....we all had tears streaking our face by the time my mom was done with her prayer, she gave me a big hug and went to bed. Stacey and April stayed with me, they hugged me and ate chocolate with me, put my kids to bed, highlighted my hair. Without me even having to ask they were there for my strength when I needed them.
I am sad, frustrated, worn out, and mad. But I know I can do this. I am so grateful for the safety of my children and the strength from my family and friends. And be prepared....because 2010- I'm going to kick some butt, its going to be a great year!!
xoxo
-S
P.S. The mice are gone :)
