Well, my mind is racing a million different places, as it seems it is most days. Addi and I had a fun Halloween, we went trick-or-treating with my sister Amy and her family. I just adore Amy and we haven't seen much of each other lately so it was really fun to spend time with her. Addi did so good going door to door! She walked right up to each door, and got a piece of candy and insisted on caring her own basket, she was so cute! I couldn't believe how well she did, she was little miss independent and happy that she could do it all by herself. We didn't stay out too long but we had a blast, although we missed Daddy cause he had to work late (I am so ready for my husband to be out of the car business!). Thanks Amy and Family! Saturday I got a pre-natal massage that Mari gave me for my birthday, Becca watched Addi and then we both hung out with the kids. Connor and Addi are only three months apart and it is so fun to see them be the cutest little friends. Connor can talk to so well and the whole time was saying Addi this and Addi that...we even got him to say Baby Hudson and to point to my tummy and say 'baby in there'. It is amazing how smart Connor is, he is only 18 months old and just so smart, like his mom and dad. Then the guys got off work and we all had pizza and watched the end of the BSU game. It was really nice to just hang with family and to be able to just be. Sunday Kevin had the day off and we just hung out at home. I had all these things I was going to work on, but we just relaxed all day long and it felt great! I went to the doc this morning and things are going great, everything is right where it should be.
Switching gears... life is been...I don't even know how to describe it, its not bad, and there are lots of good parts but it is stressful. There are these trials that I feel like I've already dealt with a hundred times and I'm just frustrated that I'm still dealing with it. I know life can't be perfect and I know I need trials as a part of life but I just want a break. I don't want to have these constant worries, I'm sick of trying to figure out how to just get by with the basics in life. I feel like I have to keep having these trials because I haven't learned what I need to yet, but I feel like I get. I just want a break. A few months where we can make ends meet and have fun and relax with our family. I try to tell myself positive affirmations and put positive energy into the world but it just feels like a huge joke. I'm trying here but I just need a break. Then as soon as I write all this I feel guilty because somehow, and I have no idea how we are being taken care of; we still do have a roof over our heads and food on our table. I really don't know how we are getting by each month but we. And that's all I ask for, but its hard not to want just a little more. I feel silly about writing about it and so materialistic and I don't like being that way. I'm just sick of not being able to go out to dinner with my husband or go buy clothes for Addi. But enough of that. When I was getting my massage there were these positive affirmation sayings and the one that really sticks out in my mind is this:
My world is well.
So I will stop whining and put my big girl panties on and deal with and keep reminding myself my world really is well and that God does love me and beyond that I am going to give it my A+ effort to stop worrying.
1 comment:
Sara.... Can I just say ditto? I can't tell you know many times I have felt the same way about our financial trials. What am I suppose to be learning, that I'm clearly missing????? Why dies it seem like as soon as we're about to get ahead we fall back 10 steps. Why does the "we'll do that next year, when we have the money." never seem to arrive. And then I look back and recognize how far we have come. Not just financially, but as a family, and emotionally, and spiritually. If it wasn't hard, would I appreciate it as much?
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